Monday, December 19, 2011
let it all out, get it all out...
"...Rip it out remove... but don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed.
we're so scared to find out, what this life's all about... so scared we're gonna lose it.
Not knowing all along that's exactly what we need...
and today, I'll trust you with the confidence of a man who's never known defeat... but tomorrow upon hearing what I did, I will stare at you in disbelief.
Inconsistent me, crying out for consistency.
You said, 'I know that this will hurt. But if I don't break your heart,
then things will just get worse. If the burden seems too much to bear, remember:
the end will justify the pain it took to get us there.'
And I'll let it be known, times I have shown signs of all my weakness. But somewhere in me, there is strength.
And you promised me, that you believe, in time I will defeat this....
That somewhere in me there is strength.
And today I will trust you with the confidence of a man who's never known defeat. and i'll try my best to just forget that that man isn't me.
....Reach out to me. Make my heart brand new. Every beat will be brand new. Cause you know you touched my life. When you touched my heavy heart and made it light."
relient k--let it all out
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Late
"Seven forty-three. Thirteen minutes late. As she entered the building she could feel the beads of sweat gathering on the edges of face, making their way down her cheeks. Even though it was winter, and near freezing, the girl had built up a sweat power-walking from her apartment.
She was always late.
No matter how close she was to her destination, she almost never arrived on time. It ran in her family, she would tell people in chit-chat. "My mom is always late. So is my aunt. And my grandma was too. I'm hoping to break the cycle," she'd say to acquaintances with a weak, forced laugh.
She didn't like being late. That was true. In fact, she hated it. Walking into a room full of people... people settled into their seats. Responsible people. People capable of getting to where they needed to be on time. She wasn't one of those people. Deep down, she knew she'd never be. Despite her strongest efforts to "break the cycle" she knew she wouldn't change.
There were two kinds of people... the on-time ones and the late ones. "
It's been a while.
I want to start writing here again. So, now I'm starting. I don't know if anyone will read this, but it's ok either way.
I've been listening to Sufjan Stevens' songs a lot recently.
My favorites are "To Be Alone with You"
and "For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti."
I think I like them so much because they make me think of Jesus.
"To Be Alone with You" reminds me of how loved I am by him. I'm a hot mess, but Jesus still wants to be alone with me. For me, that's one of the biggest ways to give love to someone...to want to be around them... to spend time with them. To just be in their presence. Whether you're talking or sitting in silence.
And "For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti".... mmmm... it's just so good. Here are some of the lyrics:
"I have called you children, I have called you son. What is there to answer if I'm the only one?
If there's anything to say, if there's anything to do. If there's any other way, I'll do anything for you.
I was dressed embarrassment, I was dressed in wine. If you have a part of me, will you take your time?
Is there some idea to replace my life?
I have called you preacher, I have called you son. If you have a father, or if you haven't one.
I did everything for you."
So beautiful. We're completely loved and accepted. Regardless of everything. What the frick?! (in a good way).
That's all i have for now.
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