good words

"Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy praise.

Streams of mercy, never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise."

let it all out, get it all out...

"...Rip it out remove... but don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed.

we're so scared to find out, what this life's all about... so scared we're gonna lose it.

Not knowing all along that's exactly what we need...

and today, I'll trust you with the confidence of a man who's never known defeat... but tomorrow upon hearing what I did, I will stare at you in disbelief.

Inconsistent me, crying out for consistency.

You said, 'I know that this will hurt. But if I don't break your heart,

then things will just get worse. If the burden seems too much to bear, remember:

the end will justify the pain it took to get us there.'

And I'll let it be known, times I have shown signs of all my weakness. But somewhere in me, there is strength.

And you promised me, that you believe, in time I will defeat this....

That somewhere in me there is strength.

And today I will trust you with the confidence of a man who's never known defeat. and i'll try my best to just forget that that man isn't me.

....Reach out to me. Make my heart brand new. Every beat will be brand new. Cause you know you touched my life. When you touched my heavy heart and made it light."

relient k--let it all out

Late

"Seven forty-three. Thirteen minutes late. As she entered the building she could feel the beads of sweat gathering on the edges of face, making their way down her cheeks. Even though it was winter, and near freezing, the girl had built up a sweat power-walking from her apartment.

She was always late.

No matter how close she was to her destination, she almost never arrived on time. It ran in her family, she would tell people in chit-chat. "My mom is always late. So is my aunt. And my grandma was too. I'm hoping to break the cycle," she'd say to acquaintances with a weak, forced laugh.

She didn't like being late. That was true. In fact, she hated it. Walking into a room full of people... people settled into their seats. Responsible people. People capable of getting to where they needed to be on time. She wasn't one of those people. Deep down, she knew she'd never be. Despite her strongest efforts to "break the cycle" she knew she wouldn't change.

There were two kinds of people... the on-time ones and the late ones. "

It's been a while.

I want to start writing here again. So, now I'm starting. I don't know if anyone will read this, but it's ok either way.

I've been listening to Sufjan Stevens' songs a lot recently.

My favorites are "To Be Alone with You"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTc--0sZbrE ,

and "For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RmbMZk4eJQ

I think I like them so much because they make me think of Jesus.

"To Be Alone with You" reminds me of how loved I am by him. I'm a hot mess, but Jesus still wants to be alone with me. For me, that's one of the biggest ways to give love to someone...to want to be around them... to spend time with them. To just be in their presence. Whether you're talking or sitting in silence.

And "For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti".... mmmm... it's just so good. Here are some of the lyrics:

"I have called you children, I have called you son. What is there to answer if I'm the only one?

If there's anything to say, if there's anything to do. If there's any other way, I'll do anything for you.

I was dressed embarrassment, I was dressed in wine. If you have a part of me, will you take your time?

Is there some idea to replace my life?

I have called you preacher, I have called you son. If you have a father, or if you haven't one.

I did everything for you."

So beautiful. We're completely loved and accepted. Regardless of everything. What the frick?! (in a good way).

That's all i have for now.

There Once was a Man on a Bench Who Shared His Orange

You know when you have those random, unexpected moments throughout the day that are just so nice and so encouraging. They're pretty small, but they just make you smile...

...Like the other day, I was sitting on a bench reading and suddenly the man who was sitting at the other end of the bench gave me half of his orange. It sounds sketchy, but it was really nice. And then, another time I was walking down the stairs leaving my building and me and this person who was passing me smiled and nodded at each other. These are small, seemingly insignificant instances, but they really are encouraging to me.

A lot of the time I just go through my day only thinking about me-- so absorbed in my own thoughts, well being, and responsibilities. But it's moments like that when I'm reminded that there really is a whole world outside of myself. I know that sounds sort of like, "duh, how could you not know that there's a whole world outside of yourself?!?"... but, sad to admit, sometimes I forget it. I think it's so great when I'm walking down the street and someone actually looks at me in the eyes and smiles. Why don't people do that more? Why don't I do that more? It's silly really. A lot of the time, I'm in my own little world, with my blinders on... forgetting that everyone around is a real person with feelings and thoughts and beliefs.

I guess it's a matter of being open to others.

<3 Laura

What's Your Sign?

So right now I'm "studying" for my Civil War history exam that's coming up on Wednesday. Tomorrow looks pretty busy, so I need to pack in as much studying as I can tonight (as you can tell by the blog). I was being a creeper and looking at some of my friends' blogs just now. I really love reading peoples' blogs because I feel like it gives me a glimpse into what they're really thinking and often makes me think. I decided to make this blog last March, but as you can tell, I haven't wrote anything since. But I shall try once more.

Here goes...
This past weekend the BU Navs went on our fall retreat to Lake Sunapee, New Hampshire. We stayed with a wonderful, generous couple in a beautiful house right on the lake. I love fall retreat for so many reasons... being out of the city, being able to hear birds sing and water flow, having a lot of time to spend alone with Jesus, getting to be around people I love, having deep, thoughtful conversations with them, playing long sessions of games like 'signs', and so much more.

We were reading through Galatians this weekend and it really made me think a lot. The verse that struck me the most is Galatians 2:20, which says:

"I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Isn't that crazy! Like, that's seriously HEAVY. Needless to say, I'm still thinking about what that really means and how I can let that become real in my life. I think that it's one of those things that I'll never fully comprehend, but that's okay. It's more important to just let Christ do this in me, and less important for me to be trying to make it happen. We were talking this weekend about things we sometimes do because we feel like it will make us more good or presentable. But in reality, we always fall short of perfection. I find myself, a lot of times, trying to prove myself and my 'goodness' to God and to others. But what really is the point of that? Anything good that comes out of me, isnt by my doing... it's really from Jesus.

One of my favorite (and also, for me, one of the most overwhelming) parts about the retreat was the large group discussion that we had on Saturday night to discuss Galatians. I really do love these kinds of discussions because they usually open my eyes up to things that I never would have realized on my own. But to be honest, they also leave me feeling really confused, worn out, and frustrated. This is for a bunch of reasons; mainly because I get frustrated with myself for not always being able to follow what's being said, for not being able to understand what God is trying to tell us, and for not being able to form thoughts fast enough to contribute more to the discussion. I wish sometimes that I could understand things better and process more clearly. So, this led me to think about how much I worry about understanding things-- concepts, ideas--stuff. I really have linked it too much to my identity-- fearing that others might not view me as smart or capable. Like when someone says something and I dont have anything to say back, or when people are talking about something that I really should know about (but don't), I take it way too seriously. But, the fact is that Im just not always going to be able to understand things. And that's really okay. Jesus doesn't love me for how smart or not smart I may be. Need to remember that.

And as for understanding God... it's important to remember that God is so infinitely bigger than I can ever even imagine. It's important to be open to God and to him displaying himself more and more to me everyday, but the fact is that while on earth I will not be able to fully get it. And that's kind of beautiful... the fact that everyday I get the chance to see God a little more clearly.

Peace out.

So...

I've decided to start a blog. Here it is.

Love,
Laura